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  I fumbled with the papers as I continued to weigh just how open I should be. I was involved in something I should not be—but now there was no way back. I could not keep what I had learned from Molly.

  “I tried to talk to George about this when I first found the clippings. He got really upset. I was going to try again. Maybe if he knows that you’re looking for answers he will open up.”

  “Please tell me anything you can find out about him.” She grabbed a napkin from the table, moving the silverware to the side with a clang. “Oh, god. I don’t know why I’m crying. He’s been gone so long.”

  “You loved him and you miss him. It’s understandable.”

  Molly struggled to her feet. “I’m going home. But please, I want to talk some more later. And I want to see more about what you have here.”

  I stood and hugged her. “Absolutely. Just focus on the babies right now. We can look at all of this later. I can make copies so you have everything.”

  Molly headed to the back where Joe would be busy with the books and other things in the office. I sat down and saw the papers on the table in a new light. They represented secrets and a family hurting with pain. I was not the only one with questions—and there were people who had the right to know the truth.

  I created one stack in chronological order and tucked everything in my bag. The answers were not in there, but they pointed me to someone who would know most, if not all, of what Molly need to know about Gray’s death.

  If there was not this connection with Molly, I would probably find myself stonewalled by George again. I had no right to know this information—but Molly did. I would have to get George to talk somehow.

  I sipped my wine as I mulled over just how to make that happen. I jumped as I felt fingers tickly my neck.

  “Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you.” Cody laughed as I settled back down in my seat, “What’s into you?”

  “Do you have a second?” Cody took the seat Molly had vacated. “Guess who Molly’s dad is.”

  Cody shrugged, “No clue.”

  “Gray Whitlock.”

  “Shut up! No way!”

  “She saw the clippings and zoned right in on the wedding announcement.”

  “What did she say? More importantly—what did you tell her?” Cody grabbed my wine glass and took a drink, “I wish you drank something harder.”

  “She says her dad was sick—he might have had something there wasn’t a cure for. Her mom is very good at keeping the truth under lock and key. She hasn’t ever found anyone who would open up to her about what happened.”

  Cody looked across the restaurant, “I have to go deliver some food, but I want to hear the rest.”

  “Does that mean you’re coming over tonight?”

  “I’m not sure I can sleep otherwise.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Josh looked up from the front desk as I entered the office. His greeter smile faded to a sexy half grin that made my heart quicken. “Good morning, I didn’t know you were coming in today.”

  “And I didn’t know if you needed me. But I really wanted to be around to catch George for a chat.”

  “He’s probably up and moving around by now. He just got in an order of books—so you might be interrupting his reading time.” Josh lowered his voice as if he was afraid to be overheard, “You know how grumpy he gets when you change his agenda.”

  “Oh, I know. And I might make him a little upset.”

  “How so?”

  I paused, unsure of how much I should tell Josh. At this rate, everyone in the area would know what I had discovered and what I suspected about George and Gray, except for George. I set the folder of clippings on the counter and asked, “How well do you know George?”

  Josh thought for a moment, “Well, he’s my uncle. Pretty well, I imagine.”

  “You didn’t grow up here. Do you know him really well?”

  Josh looked at me with a puzzled expression.

  “Maybe I should just explain.” I showed Josh the contents of the folder and relayed a summary of what they contained. “George got very upset when I first brought up Gray’s name. I don’t think he wants to revisit the death or their friendship.”

  “So, why do it? I’m still worried that his heart might cause him more problems. Is a stress-inducing conversation really necessary?”

  Why indeed. Josh was asking the same questions I had asked myself time and again. Was this really necessary? I believed yes—George was the only one who would have all the answers Molly would need.

  “Is there any chance that your uncle may be gay?”

  Josh laughed, “George? He was happily married to Sylvia for thirty years.” He looked away, thoughts spinning in his mind. Maybe Josh had suspected years ago but dismissed it. But now may it did not seem so crazy.

  “We both know men who have gotten married to women but are gay.”

  “You think he is—but so what?”

  “Look, I don’t care if he is or if he isn’t. But he might know more about Gray Whitlock’s death than he’s told anyone. Gray might have confided in him. Molly should know the truth. She has questions about her dad, and your uncle knew him for years and could tell her a lot about the man she never knew.”

  “Well, if you want to talk to George about this, I’m not going to stop you. I think you’d find a way to go around me anyway. I do think our time would be better spent figuring out if we are gay,” Josh crooked his head towards the back office and grinned. I felt my face grow hot. He held up his hands, “Kidding. This George thing—if you think it will do some good, talk to him. I hope you find the answers that you’re looking for.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  George was indeed reading when I poked my head into living room. He waved me in, slid paper into the pages to save his spot, and set the book on the table next to him.

  “Howdy, stranger.”

  I took a seat on the couch, “How are you feeling?”

  “Looking forward to the kale salad Josh as lined up for me for lunch,” he rolled his eyes. “Can you sneak me a pizza? Nothing fancy. Just one of those grocery store frozen jobbies that you heat up in the oven.”

  “I know you love your pizza.”

  “All I want is a slice. I’d settle for plain cheese or pepperoni.”

  “I’ll see what I can get past the warden.”

  George looked at the folder in my hand, “What brings you by?”

  “Well, I was looking through some old papers at the restaurant. And you remember Molly? She saw something that caught her eye and surprised her—it also surprised me.”

  “How is Molly? Has she had those babies yet?”

  “Any day now.” I fiddled with the folder in my hands. “Turns out her dad is your old friend Gray Whitlock.”

  “Are you still on that? Everyone knows she’s Gray’s little girl. So, what?” George crossed his arms, “Should have saved the birth announcement and tucked it in a ledger. Aren’t you supposed to be writing a book instead of snooping around in everyone else’s business?”

  I ignored his deflection. “Molly seemed a little surprised that you knew her father—and knew him well. I think she has a lot of questions about him. You must have stories about him as a teenager and then through college—things her mother may not know.”

  “Yeah, I knew him pretty well. He lost his dad at an early age, too. I taught part-time at the junior high in Payson and helped out after school with sports. He needed role models, so I took him camping and fishing. He never would have made it through geometry without me.”

  “So, you were his mentor.”

  George laughed and shook his head, “We didn’t use fancy words like that. He was a great kid going through a hard time. Sylvia knew she would never have kids—she told me on our first date. Gray made it not so hard to have a kid of my own.”

  Friendship. Mentorship. Not romance. I thought of the letters. If George and Gray had grown close and George saw him as a son, it’s possible that Gray wo
uld eventually sign using “love” because he saw George as a substitute father.

  “Gray’s suicide—do you know why he did it?”

  “Well, I always thought it was because he was gay.”

  “So, it’s true.”

  George laughed again. It was possible I was the first person he had ever discussed this with. He may have carried Gray’s secret either at Gray’s request or because George knew it was a personal and heavy weight to carry.

  “I don’t know how he ever got Valerie to marry him. He started talking about boys in his class probably around ninth grade. He had started doing better at sports after some time in the gym and was making every team imaginable. He was a little thrown when he started liking what he saw in the locker room with his teammates. He wanted to quit—I helped him work through his thoughts and feelings about it all so he could focus on being an athlete. I said he’d figure out the boy thing in time.”

  “He really trusted you.”

  “I don’t think he had anyone else to talk to. He made me promise not to tell his mom—or anyone else.”

  “And you kept his secret.”

  “Saw no reason to out him. I can’t imagine growing up gay in a small town. I thought when he went down to Phoenix for school that he would have the chance to experiment and figure out who he was and what he wanted in his life. Being the star jock was his ticket out of Payson, but I think it got in his way in school—he still had an image to maintain.”

  I thought about my own struggle through high school and into college. It took a while to get to the point where I could admit to myself and to the world who I really was. For me it seemed like it was an irresistible ending to the story. Not everyone felt that way and continued to hide and keep their true selves hidden.

  “How much did you keep up with Gray when he moved back to Payson and started his family?”

  “Not as much as we would have liked. Payson is a short drive but Sylvia and I had settled in here at Lakeside Estates. This place isn’t always easy to get away from. Gray got busy with his practice and getting involved in the community. I don’t even know what it really means to be the chair of a committee, but it was important to him and took a lot of time. Our lives went in different directions. Towards the end we connected through email—that was back in the day when people had to work to keep in touch. Now all you have to do is look at your phone and everyone you know is sharing all of their personal stuff.”

  I drummed my finger on the table as I took in George’s words. It all seemed to line up. Many of the elements of the story that I had suspected were not true and seemed a little silly in hindsight.

  “Any reason why Gray would choose that remote corner of Crystal Reservoir to be the spot? Was that a place that he camped and fished?”

  George slapped his hand down and laughed a boisterous laugh. “It was a favorite spot of Gray’s, that’s for sure. He even got arrested out there in high school. Called me in tears to pick him up and not tell his mom. Park rangers had called the sheriff’s office to check out suspicious activity and found Gray and a tourist in the bushes.”

  “What happened to him?”

  “Gray was charged with some minor charges and set free. It helps to know people. They did threaten him that if they found him out there again there would be bigger consequences. The other guy? He probably has to register as a sex offender.”

  Cruising spots hold that danger of getting caught. It heightened the excitement. However, if law enforcement caught wind of a popular place, sting operations were set up to catch offenders and deter other activity

  Gray must have been freaked out when he was caught. Charges stemming from nudity and sex in public could have derailed his college goals. Did this event send him deeper in the closet?

  “Do you think he went back?”

  “Maybe not until after he graduated from high school or even college. I do know he went once he moved back.”

  “The news reports—even Valerie—all say motives were unknown. No hints as to why he would go out to that part of the lake to kill himself.” How did the newspaper miss such a scoop?

  “They’re not going to print that in the paper. Look, Gray was well-known in the area. People start seeing him out there and whispers start. Different park rangers turn a blind eye when everyone keeps their behavior in check and those who need a place for that have one. But small towns love gossiping about the high and mighty. People knew what was happening even if they did not talk about it outright.”

  “Why would Valerie lie to me? It’s been fifteen years.”

  “Did she lie? Or did she just keep her mouth shut when some stranger started poking around where he didn’t need to be? She said what she had to and sent you on your way.”

  “But Molly doesn’t know. It sounds like she keeps asking but no one will tell her anything.”

  “That’s definitely a bad choice by Valerie. She probably thought she needed to protect Molly from it all. We don’t always trust that people can handle the truth.”

  Even George had tried to keep things from me about the whole situation. And what about me? I had kept my own secrets this summer. When was it necessary to keep something a secret and when should the truth just come out into the open?

  George crossed his arms and looked at me, “So what now? Do you have any more questions? Are you done digging around and resurrecting ghosts from the past?”

  I mimicked his look back to him, “Well, is there anything else you think I’ll find if I keep looking? Last time I asked questions you tried to shut me down—that there wasn’t anything here. I kept digging and found more and have some answers for Molly.”

  “Well, maybe you can figure out how the hell I didn’t know that my nephew was gay.” Yes, the other great mystery. Maybe George would be a little bit more forthcoming from the get go with this one.

  “I wasn’t fooled for a minute.”

  “And you didn’t tell me? I thought we were friends.”

  “If you wouldn’t out Gray, why would I out Josh?” It was fun to turn things around on George. Maybe if we had spent more time together this summer our conversations would have led to my confirming with George that his nephew was gay. It’s hard to say for sure. Who knows how long the secret would have stayed hidden if Ethan had not shown up? Time had a way of slipping away and compounding the problem.

  “That’s different.”

  I shrugged. Maybe it was different on some level. “So, what’s Ethan like? I only met him briefly the other day.”

  George rolled his eyes. “Josh could do so much better. He’s no you.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “I could see Josh with a guy like you. You’re normal. You may get distracted by nonsense every now and then, but you usually have a good head on your shoulders.”

  I half-grinned. “Um, thanks?”

  “If I had known Josh was gay, and if he was single, I would have tried to set the two of you up. I think you two would balance each other out.”

  “Well, I guess life has other plans. He has a boyfriend…and I think I have one, too. A local guy, too. Do you know Cody Hurst? He’s been working at the restaurant so Molly and Jim can get ready for the baby.”

  George was silent and finally nodded. “Yes, I know who he is. His family is from around here. How well have you gotten to know him?”

  “Pretty well. We’ve been spending a lot of time together when he’s not working.”

  “I’d keep my eye on him.”

  “On Cody? He’s young but also seems to be responsible—a good head on his shoulders, as you put it. That’s the criteria, right? But let me know if there’s something else I might not be aware of.”

  More silence. What could possibly give George pause about Cody? He was young, sure. He was also driven and hardworking. Were there whispers about Cody like there had been about Gray? I already knew Cody had spent time out at Crystal Reservoir and might have a reputation. None of that bothered me in the slightest. If there was som
ething else about Cody, I imagine I would pick up on some clue that there was something he was keeping from me.

  “Never mind this old man.” He stood up and grabbed his cane. “I need to take some meds and then I’m going to take a nap. It was good to chat.” I watched him disappear up the stairs to his room and let myself out.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  I planned on sitting down to write when I got to the cabin. First, Beau needed some attention and we played catch. I felt myself needing a nap. Maybe I would wake up refreshed and refocused.

  I stripped down and slid between the sheets, crawling to the middle of the bed and settling into the pillow. I felt relief that the questions around Gray’s death were being answered. It made sense that he would seek out a place he felt comfortable and himself as the place he chose to end his life. Gruesome, but understandable. Every time he went there, he probably did not want to leave. Leaving meant going back to a life where he lived a lie. Living a lie might feel like death.

  Thank goodness I did not have to live that kind of life. I could date Cody and not feel any kind of shame about it. We did not have to keep it a secret.

  Cody. I imagined his face and the moment when he moved his hair from his forehead. I pictured him here with me now, naked next to me, my hand on the fur of his stomach, tickling him. My cock grew as the fantasy changed to us kissing and groping. Hands moved up and down each other’s bodies, gripping and tugging.

  I imagined us tumbling and getting entangled in each other’s arms and legs. Where did one person stop and the other start? Each movement was an effort to get closer to the other, as if to meld together as one.

  Then the fantasy added a third person—Josh. No knock on the door or a clearing of the throat to introduce his presence—just the sudden appearance from nothing. He grabbed me from behind and kissed my neck while Cody kissed my lips. Cody and Josh’s hands found each other and they pulled closer, squeezing me in the middle.

  I was hard like I remembered being as a teenager as the fantasy played out in my mind. The three of us were one tumble of skin. Mouths kissed, sucked, and nibbled. Cocks found willing openings. Each one wanted the others and to be together in ecstasy.